I’m not sure what I am saying here. Maybe it will make no sense to people – most people. I’m just rambling and writing this because I have no one to say it to and I am in one of those moods where I want to witter deeply about my life.
Life is so interesting. For good or for bad it does indeed spring up a lot of things that take me by surprise in my young years. So many events and I’m not sure what to make of them.
I feel really bad. I feel as if I’ve done something really bad. And I’m scared. It’s not a major thing – I didn’t rob a bank or shoot a man. In fact it was a tiny ounce of feeling and now I feel so scared. I’m scared of what that means. Should I be scared? Am I allowed to be scared?
Maybe I’ve gone too far. Swam too deep and now I’m starting to drown – kinda. I didn’t listen to the thing in my head and I laughed it off and carried on swimming thinking “I’ll be fine.” but now it’s not so fine. Not for me.
I’m 17. I’m a girl. Anything can be blown out of proportion. I am probably worrying about losing something that I’m not going to lose. But the fact I am scared of losing it makes me more scared. Am I allowed to be scared of that?
Maybe I’ve learnt a valuble lesson.
I’ll go back. I’ll swim back towards that surface and while I’ll always remember what I saw I’ll make sure I don’t do it again. I won’t get so close to the sea bed. I won’t reach out in hopes I can be good friends with it anymore. Because that’s bad.
Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming.
